Please wipe your feet before you tread on my feelings....

I really thought that LOVE would save us all...

     In twenty-seven days, I will celebrate my third decade of existence on this planet. I'm wondering, however, what does this mean exactly? 30....Thirty....fucking THIRTY!!! I mean, according to the societal stigma placed on women, I'm supposed to be married and have like 3 offspring by now, right? If I was a tiger, I would have been past my prime decades ago, but...the fact is folks, I'm not a tiger, or a frog, or a horse, or, apparently, a normal female. No, because I look at love and life a little differently.

Are you married?

No.

You have any kids?

No.

*Assuming I am now a lesbian*

       Ohhhh...

    No, I am not a lesbian (sorry to ruin that image for ya). And, no I am not a 'man-basher' or feminist, or whatever else people think of me because I'm 30 and still single. I'm just not ready to settle. I'm not ready to put myself in a position where I'm searching for an escape route. And I also dont see view love as a jail sentence.
    When I love someone...I love them with everything I have. Physical, emotional, material, mental....everything I have...is theirs. And while, some may argue this isn't the best approach...it's my approach and it's my emotions.

Truth is.....

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, or maybe I'm just a fool. But....It's been brought to my attention recently, that I deserve more than what I've been seeking. I'm confused by this sentiment. Frankly, if I want something, isnt that what I deserve? I mean....I'm allowed to be selfish every now and then right? Maybe I'm not making any sense right now....I dont know if I ever make any sense. Maybe thats my problem....communication.

But, how do you communicate love? I think I do a pretty damn good job at showing it. I know I say it enough. I know I do enough....what more do they want?
It just seems like no one wants my passion....there is always someone better. Always someone prettier....someone with bigger tits. Someone smarter. I cant compete anymore....and I'm tired of trying. 

Warning: May cause extreme uncomfortablness. Proceed with Caution.

I have not written a blog in quite sometime. To be honest, I haven't written anything in a long time.

But, why Amy?

Well, to be honest...I'm afraid. Pouring my feelings out onto a screen is not an easy thing all the time. Especially when every single time I write, I get judged for what I think. This doesn't only happen when it comes to my words.

More often than not, I'm NOT happy. I don't feel fabulous. I don't feel great...fuck, I don't even feel okay with myself. It's a struggle to make it through the day sometimes without wanting to throw in the towel or run to the nearest liquor store and drown my sorrows in a bottle of vodka.

Oh, I'm sorry...is this making you uncomfortable?

This is the problem. We walk around the world pretending that everything is just fine. We ask people we see how they are doing and don't really care or wait for their response. It is second nature to us to simply respond with an I'm fine/good/great. When in reality, you probably just got done crying in the bathroom.

So, why even ask when you dont really give a shit or do not want to hear the real answer?

The truth is, we all struggle with saddness every once in a while. So, why can't we be honest about it?? We keep this emotion locked away like it's some sort of disease. Boys are taught from a young age that crying is NOT acceptable behavior, girls are taught that crying is okay but never show your misery in public. You must always put on a happy face. Why does this emotion make people feel so awkward?

Ya know there's a pill for that.

Yes, of course there is. Because as soon as someone feels something that is anything less than positive...well...that's just ludicrous.

Here ya go honey. Swallow this pill, it will make you happy again.   

My point here is that we shouldn't be ashamed of our raw, naturally occurring human emotions. Life is fucking hard...and having bad days is completely normal.

  
 So you have yourself a good, sad, bad, great, happy, miserable, or whatever the fuck kind of day you want to have. If you want to talk about it later, I'll be here to listen. I'm not afraid.

Love to all.

 

Happy Birthday, 'Murica!

On the eve of America's birthday, I thought it would be appropriate to give a shout out to how awesome our country is. So, here are a few tid bits of what you can expect when you enter the land of the free and the home of the brave.

*Only in America can you get a pizza delivered to your house faster than an ambulance.

* Only in America it is legal to have sex with a horse in 26 states but only 6 states have allowed gay marriage. 

*Only in America is a cheeseburger .99 cents but a salad costs $4.99.

*Only in America you can buy cigarettes at the front entrance of a pharmacy but have to walk to the back of the store for medication. 

* Only

 in

America....

I could go on but...do I really need to after this one: 
 

  So, thanks USA! You Rock my socks. Also, NSA: I hope you are enjoying my naughty and quite hilarious text conversations I have on a daily basis. :)

What you see is what you get.

 Crazy.

Weirdo.

Chaotic.

Cynical.

   
      People I meet in life are not always that nice to me. I'm learning each day, however, to accept these realities as the universes way of letting me know that everyone has their issues, and the things people say to me are just reflections of their own insecurities.
    I have been told, on several occasions, that I open up too much to people. I put myself out there too soon....I expose myself to the core too frequently....and this is what allows others to hurt me. My vulnerabilities show and people take advantage of that.
Still, as much as some may see that as a flaw...I truly think thats the best part about myself....

I have been blessed with the GENUINE gene...I believe I inherited that from my Mama. 

   I am an open book...right down to my physical flaws. I don't wear makeup, I never got braces, I don't use padded bras...I rarely wear heels. Because, you see....You gotta love yourself and you have to let people love you....the REAL you. Showing off all your not so prettiness, allowing others to see that some days, you just don't feel like smiling, or showering...or even getting off the damn couch is OKAY!  Those days that you feel unaccomplished and vulnerable, and you can show others that you are just like them is fucking beautiful. Because, lets face it....we all feel that way sometimes.
   So, no...I am not going to hide who I am or try to "fix" what is less than perfect about myself. We are all flawed; that is what makes us special. 
  So, even if I am cynical, crazy, weird and chaotic....I am also...

Beautiful.

Creative.

Funny.

Amazing.

And so so so much more....

I am who I am...and I make no apologies for that. Neither should you.

I'm sorry, you're too poor to live here...please move to a different country.

Welfare.

   Nothing gets my blood boiling, my heart racing, my stomach turning more than the welfare debate. Please, do not read any further if you are an ignorant jackass that cannot tell the difference between his ass and his head.
   Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me continue....
   Let me begin by admitting to all who are reading that I am on welfare. *GASP*

She must be lazy!

Get a job!!

Maybe you should go back to school and get an education?!

Oh, I didn't realize you were paying with FOOD STAMPS!

     Yes, all of the above statements have been said to me and about me. No, I am not lazy. In fact, I have been working since I was twelve years old. My first job, aside from assisting my older brother with his paper route, was a babysitting job for my next door neighbor. Since then, I've been working non-stop at various places, such as restaurants, retail stores, animal shelters and the like.
     Furthermore, I am educated. I have two college degrees. I was, unlike a lot of people in this country, fortunate enough to go to school, obtain an education and graduate with honors. Since I graduated in 2007, I have been working in the social services field; I have yet to find anything full-time. Because of this, I've been working at least two to three jobs at a time just to get by. None of these jobs provide any type of fringe benifits and unfortunately, for me, I need constant medical attention.
     For the past 13 years, I have been in and out of hospitals, Dr. offices, switched on and off of medicines, and had tests as well as surgeries performed. So, unless you have been blessed with optimal health and never had to deal with any part of the medical or pharmaceutical industry, you will know that it is extremely expensive. Opening the door and walking into a Doctor's office alone can cost you up to $100.00 and without medical coverage, the bills can collect rather quickly. In 2008, I was recieving my life sustaining medication through programs that were offered through the pharmacutical companies (my meds cost $1,400.00 a month out of pocket) while paying for my doctor visits via credit card. Some personal circumstances arose and my medication supply diminshed, which led me to not take the correct dosage, eventually landing me in the hospital for eight days.

Now what the hell do I do? 

     So, I had no other choice but to apply for WELFARE! Yup, that's right folks, medical assistance IS welfare. Some of you may be thinking:

Duh, why didn't she just pay for her own health insurance?

   Well, there is a little thing called the pre-exsisting illness clause. Basically, that means that, you can buy health care through a company (if they let you) for at the very least $450.00 a month. The only problem is, you will NOT be covered for your condition for one year. So, that's like buying a car you can't drive for a whole year...and....well, I'm not an idiot. So, medical assistance was my only option. 

But this is different, Amy!  

Hmmm....and, how is that? Because, I am taking the time to EXPLAIN my situation....when, in reality, it's really no ones buisness. By the way, I'm NOT done yet.

Three months ago, I got laid off from my job. The company I worked for were real pricks and when I filed for unemployment, they denied me. So, there I was, no job, no income, no savings....FUCK! How am I going to pay my rent; how am I going to make my car payment or my other bills; how the hell am I going to buy food?? *SIGH* Once again, I had to seek help. I deserve to eat just as much as those who have sustainable income do. So, I trudged my way to the assistance office, IPhone in hand, and applied for Food Stamps.
    Yes, I have an IPhone. Yes, I have a pretty nice, newer car. Yes, I have a Coach purse (Its fake). Yes, I have a tattoo, and, yes...I dress nice. There is no rule book for being poor. There is no law stating that if you are poor...you must automatically dress like a scumbag. I shop at consignment shops and look just as nice as the chick who just spent $80.00 on a dress at the Mall. My point is, I had all of these things before I fell on hard times, but I am now going to be judged because I'm going through a rough patch? I think this country needs a lesson on empathy.

Oh, that's right...Sorry, Mr. Romney...I must have forgot...

 

 

But, Amy, the majority of the people on welfare don't need to be on it. They are abusing the system...most of them are drug addicts....

Oh...Well, bust my buttons...I had NO idea! Please, tell me where you receive your information, or are you simply generalizing? So, if I say that the majority of black people are thieves....does this give me the right to automatically think and say that ALL black people are going to rob me when I see one?  

Quick, hide yo' shit girl! The black folk are comin'! 

Of course not because that would be racisit! But, if I work in a grocery store and I know tomorrow is 'food stamp' day....it's okay for me to say/think/post on Facebook....

OMG. So I just totally had a girl at the store pay with food stamps while she was playing on her Iphone and sporting a Gucci wallet. She then got into a really nice car! Wish I could live off of the system!

 Makes sense.....

I have just one very simple point to this whole story:

 Do Not Judge What You Don't Understand.

     Educate yourself before you make assumptions about others....and please, please, pleaseeeeeee...........if you think that tax breaks for the rich are NOT the same as any type of welfare for the poor....you have some serious mind control issues going on...as a good friend of mine once stated: "It's all government cheese no matter how you slice it."
 
Namaste.