Time for a truth bomb......*BOOM!*

It's been quiet in here the past few months...but this isnt to say my mind has been. A lot has happened...a whole fucking lot...I dont think my fingers can type as fast as my mind is racing so I'm going to come out with a few short words to sum up everything......

Fuck. You. 

and 

Fuck you, too. 

Here's the raw deal.....Humans fucking suck. You all make me want to vomit.

I'm sure you all have heard...someone is dead. *GASP* Someone who was pretty famous and iconic and important to a lot of people, but instead of humans doing what they are supposed to do...ya know...MOURN...we turned his death into a political platform. We took this man's tragic death to debate which team is better.

The Right wingers shout:

What a coward! How Selfish! God is sending him straight to hell! 

While the Lefters are just as disgusting...pointing their fingers back and trying to save souls with this mental health awareness bullshit that they wouldnt give two shits about otherwise.

Lets be real here, you people don't know shit about Mental Health or Depression or Suicide. You wouldn't know a depressed person if they were holding the knife right at their throat.

Do you really think that putting your face in a pie and screaming HELLLLOOO is going to change anything?? REALLY???

Please don't misconstrue, I'm all for people, maybe, finally getting the point and actually becoming aware of the rampant suicide rate and underfunded Mental Health facilities and programs this country has. BUT....I know this is all a fad....and in a few weeks, when Mr. Williams is gone and buried and the next big media shit storm hits the fan, humans are going to move onto the next thing that 'may' be worth their time.

So...how about everyone just stop. Just fucking STOP. Open your goddamn eyes.

Depression isnt something you just 'get over.' Suicide is not something you laugh about, or joke about, or 'raise money for.'

It's about caring. It's about empathy. It's about sending a fucking love letter letter to a friend every once in awhile just to say hello. You wanna help someone? Be kind to them. Smile. Say Hello. Show some Human fucking compassion. Have a goddamn soul. Your Money is worthless here.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes!

Someone once said to me: Changing the scenery does not change the situation.

While I have argued and will argue that this statement is undoubtedly true, I am now becoming increasingly aware to the fact that, sometimes, it's the scenery that stops YOU from changing.


Over the course of the past two years, I have worked quite diligently on myself and the inner workings of AMY.

What is it that makes me tick, what makes me smile, what makes me angry, what makes me happy, how much can I handle, what kind of people do I want in my life...etc.

I've devoted so much time and energy focusing on myself, and I am still not fully where I want to be.

Still, I am trying every day to improve.

There is ALWAYS room for improvement. 

The road to self discovery can only be paved by your own self fulfillment....no one else's, so most of my recent time has been spent alone doing the things that I want to do; my humble abode has been my place of solace....

Now, as I have reached another turning point in my life, I am more than ready to pick up all of my newness and move on. I have been feeling less than satisfied with where I am. The scenery in which I am located has been bringing me down...back to a place that I worked so hard to pull myself out of.

While I am by no means blaming this place....this town....this apartment where I lay my head at night, I feel that there is no more work for me to be done here. I have completed my tasks.....achieved all I can achieve...helped all who I can help here.

Everywhere I turn, or shop, or hangout, is  just another bad memory. Another place where my past creeps in and shows me the person I used to be. Reminds me of those demons I used to bear....and usually, they all come creeping back to me....and I react on them. I am done. I'm over it. I have no more care for this place I once called home.

Of course this place will always be a part of me. My family, some people I can still and always will call friends reside here, and those good memories will never leave my heart. But, for me and my sanity, I think it's time for my ruby slippers to click three times and find another place I can truly call...

home sweet home. 

Inspiration, move me brightly....

 Never have I been so moved....

by a being oh so rare.

Embodied in this way.

Quite tragic, really.

Not perfect.

Just you.

Softly whispering to me...

without even realizing.

Heaven.

I am in heaven.

If I could ever have a daughter...

If I could have a daughter, I would do everything in my power to keep her safe, happy, healthy and warm.

If I could ever have a daughter, I would teach her that sticks and stones can and will break her bones, but words.....words can cut deeper than any object.

If I could ever have a daughter I would teach her that the two most important things you can have in this life are Love and Respect....

....but you cannot have one without the other. 

If I could ever have a daughter, she would know the difference between fairy-tales and reality and that she is indeed a princess, despite the presence of a tiara or prince.

If I could ever have a daughter, she would be allowed to play with barbies and look at fashion magazines if she wanted to, but she would know that true beauty comes from within the soul.

If I could ever have a daughter, I would paint her room the night sky, so she would never be fearful of the dark. The sky is a reminder that there are no limits to her life when there are footprints on the moon.

If I could have a daughter, I would teach her the value of a dollar, but the quality of a life.

If I could ever have a daughter, I would remind her just how beautiful the world can be, even when it seems vicious and cruel.

If I could ever have a daughter I would help her realize the importance of her homework, because even though we may not use most of this information as adults, it's the responsibility that we carry with us throughout our lifetime.

If I could ever have a daughter, I would tell her to go after the boy who will eventually break her heart, but remember that her mama will be here waiting at the door with chocolate and a warm embrace. Because there is very little chocolate can't cure...or hugs.

If I could ever have a daughter, she would never forget how much she was loved...

                                                                        If I could ever have a daughter...

You're contagious...

It's a weird feeling.

Like a golf ball is bouncing around in your stomach, desperately trying to jump out of your throat.

Then it bounces back down again....

and again....

                   and again. 

Then, your heart starts to pound...

your mind races and spins....

spins....

     spins...

Oh,

...Love... 

What a terrifying disease.

Silence was a friend indeed...

I have a very active brain.

I lie awake in bed some nights, unable to sleep because my mind just doesn't seem to want to shut up. I fight with it sometimes; argue with the tiny voice inside of me that doesn't seem to want to be still...

So, I write....

and write...

     and think....

Lately, I've been contemplating what the world would be like without things like computers, social media or text messaging. Who would YOU still talk to? Who would you take the time to visit? Would you write someone a letter? Would you actually pick up the phone and call a friend?

I get quite frightened sometimes and start to believe that the world has grown quite cold...and I'm not speaking about the frigid drop in temperture outside. It has become apparent to me that no one really seems to take the time for one another any more.

When was the last time you received a love letter? The last time you got a phone call? The last time someone stopped by your house to say hello?

 I must admit, however, that I use technology quite frequently. I text people all the time. I use Facebook everyday. I'm typing on a computer right now! Still, as I contemplate why I do these things, I realize that it's because I feel so disconnected from the people I once knew, the people I love, the people I call friends; I have no alternative then to use these new age communication tools.

So, how do we change this as a society? How can we connect to one another again? Truth is, I don't think we can. We will eventually all have to unplug. Whether or not it is in this world or in the next. For me, I want to be able to learn to communicate in this life.....because once darkness sets in....how are we ever going to survive?