10 second Poetry.

He prefers me quiet. His emotional punching bag.
Spewing his inner demons on me
for hours.

For days.

The light in the hallway flickers.
I stare at it gracelessly, trying to block out the noise.

He notices.

I return to his stare.

Empty.
Cold.
Alone.

He prefers me quiet. 

In a nutshell...I'm pretty nuts.

I'm broke, I'm moody, I get angry at the slightest implications of being taken advantage of...

I am restless, I am lonely, I want nothing more than to love and be loved in return....

I'm messy, I'm unorganized, I am hard to handle....

I'm loud, I party too much, I'm a smoker....


But, I am also...


Strong, independent, I am able to recognize my flaws....

I am accepting of others, I am willing to bend when needed....

I am unique, I am intelligent....

I see the world through different eyes....

I am able to stand on my own two feet, no matter how many time I get knocked down...

I am beautiful, I am creative...

I am compassionate, I love completely...

I have layers...so many that, even I have yet to uncover them all.

So, for those who are willing to accept BOTH parts of me...I welcome you into my world.

It might not be all that fabulous at times....but I can say this....you will be missing out on one hell of a party.

Please wipe your feet before you tread on my feelings....

I really thought that LOVE would save us all...

     In twenty-seven days, I will celebrate my third decade of existence on this planet. I'm wondering, however, what does this mean exactly? 30....Thirty....fucking THIRTY!!! I mean, according to the societal stigma placed on women, I'm supposed to be married and have like 3 offspring by now, right? If I was a tiger, I would have been past my prime decades ago, but...the fact is folks, I'm not a tiger, or a frog, or a horse, or, apparently, a normal female. No, because I look at love and life a little differently.

Are you married?

No.

You have any kids?

No.

*Assuming I am now a lesbian*

       Ohhhh...

    No, I am not a lesbian (sorry to ruin that image for ya). And, no I am not a 'man-basher' or feminist, or whatever else people think of me because I'm 30 and still single. I'm just not ready to settle. I'm not ready to put myself in a position where I'm searching for an escape route. And I also dont see view love as a jail sentence.
    When I love someone...I love them with everything I have. Physical, emotional, material, mental....everything I have...is theirs. And while, some may argue this isn't the best approach...it's my approach and it's my emotions.

Truth is.....

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, or maybe I'm just a fool. But....It's been brought to my attention recently, that I deserve more than what I've been seeking. I'm confused by this sentiment. Frankly, if I want something, isnt that what I deserve? I mean....I'm allowed to be selfish every now and then right? Maybe I'm not making any sense right now....I dont know if I ever make any sense. Maybe thats my problem....communication.

But, how do you communicate love? I think I do a pretty damn good job at showing it. I know I say it enough. I know I do enough....what more do they want?
It just seems like no one wants my passion....there is always someone better. Always someone prettier....someone with bigger tits. Someone smarter. I cant compete anymore....and I'm tired of trying. 

Warning: May cause extreme uncomfortablness. Proceed with Caution.

I have not written a blog in quite sometime. To be honest, I haven't written anything in a long time.

But, why Amy?

Well, to be honest...I'm afraid. Pouring my feelings out onto a screen is not an easy thing all the time. Especially when every single time I write, I get judged for what I think. This doesn't only happen when it comes to my words.

More often than not, I'm NOT happy. I don't feel fabulous. I don't feel great...fuck, I don't even feel okay with myself. It's a struggle to make it through the day sometimes without wanting to throw in the towel or run to the nearest liquor store and drown my sorrows in a bottle of vodka.

Oh, I'm sorry...is this making you uncomfortable?

This is the problem. We walk around the world pretending that everything is just fine. We ask people we see how they are doing and don't really care or wait for their response. It is second nature to us to simply respond with an I'm fine/good/great. When in reality, you probably just got done crying in the bathroom.

So, why even ask when you dont really give a shit or do not want to hear the real answer?

The truth is, we all struggle with saddness every once in a while. So, why can't we be honest about it?? We keep this emotion locked away like it's some sort of disease. Boys are taught from a young age that crying is NOT acceptable behavior, girls are taught that crying is okay but never show your misery in public. You must always put on a happy face. Why does this emotion make people feel so awkward?

Ya know there's a pill for that.

Yes, of course there is. Because as soon as someone feels something that is anything less than positive...well...that's just ludicrous.

Here ya go honey. Swallow this pill, it will make you happy again.   

My point here is that we shouldn't be ashamed of our raw, naturally occurring human emotions. Life is fucking hard...and having bad days is completely normal.

  
 So you have yourself a good, sad, bad, great, happy, miserable, or whatever the fuck kind of day you want to have. If you want to talk about it later, I'll be here to listen. I'm not afraid.

Love to all.

 

Happy Birthday, 'Murica!

On the eve of America's birthday, I thought it would be appropriate to give a shout out to how awesome our country is. So, here are a few tid bits of what you can expect when you enter the land of the free and the home of the brave.

*Only in America can you get a pizza delivered to your house faster than an ambulance.

* Only in America it is legal to have sex with a horse in 26 states but only 6 states have allowed gay marriage. 

*Only in America is a cheeseburger .99 cents but a salad costs $4.99.

*Only in America you can buy cigarettes at the front entrance of a pharmacy but have to walk to the back of the store for medication. 

* Only

 in

America....

I could go on but...do I really need to after this one: 
 

  So, thanks USA! You Rock my socks. Also, NSA: I hope you are enjoying my naughty and quite hilarious text conversations I have on a daily basis. :)