Let's talk about loneliness, baby...Let's talk about you and me.

Lonliness...I know it all too well.

Although I grew up surrounded by people, always having my Mom, Dad, brother and two sisters around me at seemingly all times, I never really felt that human connection. I was always walking between worlds. But, I was an odd child....I felt more comfortable in the hands of fictional strangers and fairy-tale lands.

     Grade school was a nightmare. I was the quiet chic who colored her teddy bear pink and had the really weird haircut. Peers brushed me aside like I carried the plauge underneath my plaid jumper; teachers did the same.

I said: 'Girl Scout, step OUT, Amy!

 When high school approached like a bat out of hell, all of the "friends" that I did have, were way ahead of me in the romance department. Their first kisses had come and gone years ago, usually lost during a game of spin-the-bottle, but here I was, still the odd girl with the weird haircut...STILL painting her teddy bears pink...and still not kissing boys.
      It was the summer going into my Freshman year when I finally did it. I finally just laid it on some dude in the back of a '92 ford escort. It sucked; too much teeth....not enough meaning. But, at least I could now say that I wasn't the ONLY 14 year old that never kissed anyone....let alone (dare I say) *gasp* have SEX!!
     Throughout my high-school days, unlike most giddy, hormone crazed teenagers, I did not have a significant other. I floated through the crowds a pot-smoking, but very jaded and angry, free-spirited hippie chic.
     When I turned sixteen, I fell in "love" with a nineteen year old mucisian who, like myself, loved beer, smoking pot, Dylan, poetry, and hated the government. (BE STILL MY HEART) Of Course I was in LOVE! This extremely unhealthy and obsessive attraction lasted for six years. I lost my virginity to him at the ripe old age of 19, and then continued to swoon over him until I finally gave up his rejections and accepted the fact that we would never be what I longed for.
    During the course of those years, I dated a few guys. Nothing ever came out of those relationships, however, and most of them lasted only 4 months or so. Part of this was due to my heart being in the wrong place, and part of it was due to their 'heart' being in the wrong place as well...if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
    During college, and after I was finally moved on from my first love gone wrong, I found and fell for another douche-bag with a capital D. I'm not going to get into the, quite literal, gory details of this horrendous relationship, so I will just say, that the next three years of my life, were HELL. BUT.....Moving on.....

You're probably wondering what the point of all this is...
                 "Yea, Amy...Get to the point already!!!!!" 

Well, fine....

Introducing, Hunter S. Thompson....

     In my near thirty years on this planet, I've walked alone in this world; we all do. And, in my near 30 years on this planet, I've longed for human connection, human emotion, human touch. There is no greater feeling than to be loved by another. Still, as my dear friend Mr. Thompson so eloquently stated, the love we have for ourselves is by far the most important you can obtain.

     For me, loving each part of myself is a daily challenge. I find something I can pick apart about myself each time I look in the mirror, or every time I answer a question with a not-so-intelligent answer. Still, just as we learn to love and accept others,loving ourselves is a learning experience too. Discovering new things about ourselves each day the sun rises is the best part of the day.

     But, I do get lonely. 

     Humans are social beings, we are not made to be secluded from other humans. Just like food, water, and shelter...compassion, touch, conversation, connection, passion...these are all things we need to survive, especially in a society that so often tries to beat us down. 

   None of us grow up longing to be the 'crazy cat lady' or the 'crooked man in the crooked house.' We grow up dreaming of the day we can walk through this world surrounded by love and peace within ourselves; what a beautiful dream that is! 

   So, as many times as my loneliness has crept up and tried to take over, I will not accept it. I will continue to strive for the day where I can walk, or run, hand in hand with another human, and take on this world, with passion, dedication, and swords (to kill the zombies of course.)